Strawberry Bikini

When I was little I had a strawberry bikini: green bottoms (probably with a ruffle) and two red strawberries appropriately positioned to make the top.

I'm fairly certain that my bikini can be found in any one of the "vintage" clothing stores in Sacramento. It's too small for even your average sized vegetarian yoga teacher, it has fruit on it, it's primary colors, and you'd only wear it if you were 6. 

Finally I'm shopping... and these are the kinds of things available in the used clothing stores downtown. Call it "vintage," "retro," whatever the hell you want. It's really just bright, doll-sized, Cindy Brady-plays-the-fruit-of-the-looms-mascot ugly.

And where are these people during the day? Like, who wears these clothes? 

The white snap down dress (yes, snaps) in the shape of--and actually less stylish than--an old nurses uniform with mini green apples and pink unicorns sprinkled on it like polka dots.  Yes, miniature green apples and pink unicorns.

How about the canary yellow crocheted "dress" that would cover less than my strawberry bikini. If you're imagining something that could be cute, stop. It wasn't.

Or any one of the macrame vests with designs of flowers, christmas decorations, or, of course, fruit.

Don't think that I don't know cool retro when I see it. I know cool. My strawberry bikini rocks the fruit off of anything else in these stores.

Highly disappointing. And I must say, the new place across the street better get something in other than size 2 jeans and white Mossimo button down blouses--the other end of undesirable. (That totally sounds like an "or else" statement and I got nothin'....) 

What do all the cool people do with their old clothes???

The search continues. I have a little money burning a whole in my pocket. I'm aching for a new top. Or two. 

Can't a girl get something other than snaps and macrame?