Avoidance

I love how creative the ego can be when it doesn't want to do things like meditate, organize tax receipts, or answer its own questions.

I am a very busy and important person and I do not have time to fess up to things like, "yes, I paid the extra postage and had two shirts I'd completely forgotten about re-shipped to me from Canada."

Oh, and then there's that bit about how I went on a girls shopping day and told my friends that I couldn't buy anything because we'd just spent $900 on vet bills.  Completely true (and nauseating), and not the only reason.

We're getting into some good stuff now.

So, yes.  I paid the shipping to get the shirts that I ordered before the 1st of the year.  It felt like a stretch of the rules, but not a break.

Then I got the shirts, and like so many other internet orders, they didn't fit, weren't like the picture and I sent them back (thank you double transport pollution).

If I'll stretch the truth for myself, why not for other people, too!?

Before Christmas a friend took me out to Granite Bay to this ritzy boutique with AMAZINGLY beautiful clothes.  I would be exaggerating if I said there was nothing under $100, but I'm getting so good at that, why not?

Seriously, most of the things there were $200 and up. 

But she was having a sale - 60% off.  And I bought several things.  Beautiful things.  On sale.

Still, I came home and after the buzz wore off, I realized that I can't play with those dogs. Those are big dogs and I'm a very little dog.

So this friend suggested that we get a few more women (other big dogs) and make an afternoon of it. The date was chosen. The dogs were excited.

As the trip got closer, Ron would ask, "Why are you going if you can't buy anything? Why haven't you told them about The Compact? Why do you think you can play with these big dogs?" All very good questions.

Then we had Cat Week.  

Stray from off the street who lost a fight and came to our porch to die (or so it appeared).  His vet trip cost us $300 and him his testicles.  "Un-neutered males are more prone to fighting." 

Ron named him Joe, and we thought we had ourselves another member on Team Feline, 11th Ave.... then the neighbor across the street gave him away.  Strange and a completely different story.

Several days later, our indoor kitty, Shiva, got sick.  She's awkwardly obese and never misses a meal, and suddenly she was not eating, drinking or cat'in around.  We waited it out a few days and ended up taking her in.

Of course they start with an x-ray because Shiva loves to eat string and dental floss.  Do you want to hear about the time I pulled some used floss out of her... ?  No, you probably don't.

No "bunching of the intestines" on the x-ray, so that was good. On to IV fluids and an overnight stay.  Jesus, how does it add up so quickly?

Isn't it amazing how I can avoid the point?

Anyway, even if we were not doing The Compact, I couldn't have spent any money on this shopping trip.  So it made for a really nice distraction and "better reason" for not buying anything than "oh, ya, I've chosen to deny myself simple pleasures of beauty that I deserve!" 

I don't know if I can get into the deeper stuff right now.  Like how there's either embarrassment about who I am (or am evolving to be), or a lack of faith in my friends, or how I wanted to quit the whole thing and buy this really beautiful top (I swear, this top would make me a better person...), or how watching my friends shop brought out anger and judgment (look at how catty and superficial they are!).

I just can't go there right now.  Maybe later....