Silence is free

Off to my silent retreat at Spirit Rock on Saturday.  I did have to pay for the 7 days of food and accommodations. But the silence is free.

Money - that strange paper and metal stuff that only has value because we say it does - buys time.

Twice this week I bought someone's time.  

First, I had an energy session with a gifted energy worker. It was uniquely profound.  She moved her hands inches, sometimes feet over my body starting at my feet and moving up. Somehow this allowed the areas of the body to open so excess or blocked energy could release. 

She offered physical, emotional and spiritual ideas about what energy was moving and what was still holding on.  Even though she did not touch me, the sensations where at times very strong and intense, then sometimes so subtle I didn't trust my own feeling of them.  

In yoga, we say that they body remembers everything.  Our cells store memory and emotion that we are not able to process, look at, let move through. It was clear that this is true on the energetic level as well.  There were places that evoked emotion and at the end I was very very tired. 

The interesting money part came at the end. The session was two hours and this person gave me the "friend rate."  I thought even her full price was way too low (considering her training, skill and the time she spent with me), so I gave her a large tip. I was on my way down the sidewalk and she came out of her house to very sweetly dispute the amount of the check.

Multiple things when through my head at once:

1. I thought she'd just appreciate the tip (I did consider that this was masking the darker side of, "I thought she'd think I was fabulous and generous and rich," and I don't think it is).

2. Doesn't she think she's worth that?  I am offering her my perceived value of her time.

3. Now it's all awkward because she wants me to come back in and write a new check and I just want to quietly run away.

Then she said:

If you don't let me charge you the "friend rate," it will be like we're not friends.

Ouch!

Hmmm.  The exchange of money between friends can be difficult. But I don't think it has to be.

I used to pay Madeleine for monthly massages and that was not awkward. I take money from my friends when they come to the studio and that's not.... oh, actually that is awkward.  I'm often compelled to give discounts, or free classes, or give them the reasons that I can't do those things.

Sigh. 

It's so easy to see these things in other people and think that I'd be better at handling a given situation. It's that darn the people in our lives are mirrors so we can see ourselves thing.

This clearly deserves some more time. Which I'll have a lot of next week.

And there are way more words here than I wanted to use. Making up for next week when they will be stuck in my head with no emergency exit.

By the way, the second bit of time I bought was a Rolfing session today. It too was amazing in every opposite way.

And she charged me full price. And I tipped her. And we were both happy.